A "Burnt Eggs" State of Mind

It should be illegal to undergo so much character development in four weeks.

I don't even know where to start, so we'll just have to jump in headfirst: I got a boyfriend, I started listening to alternative rock, I broke up with my boyfriend, and then I cut all my hair off.

Um yeah, in only four weeks.

I've had some of the best experiences of my life since June 12th and some of the worst. I won't go into too much detail on the bad experiences, so it suffices me to say that I have learned to appreciate myself and God more and that although my self-confidence took a huge hit, it helped me grow into a stronger person.

Now, I will go into extensive detail about the amazing experiences I've had in the past month. Like my birthday, for example, which was the 15th so now I'm finally nineteen. It is not fair that Eve and Lara turn twenty less than two months from now. But I guess that's just what it's like being the baby of our friend group.

We celebrated Canada Day on July 1st. My family and I watched Jurassic World Dominion the night before and then spent the holiday in Red Deer at the Canada Day festivities. I got the beginnings of a birks tan, which I am so proud of and will definitely keep working on this summer.

I've made a goal to get an actual sun tan this year. I've been working indoors for my dad for the past few years and it's been equally as long since I've been able to spend hours in the sun. I used to joke about how the only tan I got was from the blue light of my computer screen. But, as a woman in computer science, I will be as un-computer sciencey as possible. Hence my determination to be out in the sun as much as I can before the sun goes away. Fortunately, at the end of August when the sun starts fading in Alberta (i.e. snow in September), I'll be heading down to Utah to enjoy two more months of sunny weather.

Something I learned from dating my boyfriend-of-three-weeks is that I want to prioritize the kind of experiences that you might only get once. Like, I really thrive off of living in the moment. As a result, I've developed a passion for photography (y'all should check out my vsco -- see our contact page for my socials), polaroids, film, vinyl records, charcuterie boards, and going all out for everything. Basically, even if it might only last an hour, the experience will be worth all of your energy. I kind of needed to meet someone more adventurous and risk-taking and spontaneous for me to discover how much more life can offer me if I'm just willing to put in the time.

I've also learned to value courage. To not doubt myself or fear the results of something new, but to try it first and figure it out along the way. This is something that is hard for me to do because I'm always planning things out, it comes as second nature to me. I don't often start something unless I can see how I would finish it. While my efforts end up being meticulous and often appear flawless, what ends up happening is that making mistakes is doubly stressful for me. So, what I've started developing is what I call a "burnt eggs" mentality. Allow me to explain.

I am not a good cook. This is a stressful fact for me. I want everything I make to be exactly how I planned. When I'm writing essays or coding a program, I have enough time to methodically go through and perfect each step before submitting a final product. With a meal or dessert, I most definitely will not have a perfect result on my first try. The same goes with painting, drawing, sewing, crafting, and gardening, to name a few. These activities are skills that are mastered over time, skills that take many trials and errors to perfect. I tend to... avoid such activities.

However, I couldn't avoid cooking myself breakfast in my senior year of high school. And if I wanted eggs for breakfast, I would have to cook them myself. So I decided that it didn't matter if I burnt my eggs or not, I was going to cook them and eat them. I've still not perfected cooking eggs and to this day I continue to burn my eggs (though not the ones in the picture--I'm quite proud of yesterday morning's breakfast). However, burning my eggs doesn't bother me anymore and I'm able to go through my day without worrying about having perfect eggs.

Which is why I call this the "burnt eggs" mentality. I'm able to start something that might not turn out perfectly by first getting used to the idea that it won't. Implementing this mentality into instances beyond cooking eggs is where the learning curve comes in, but it's definitely something I'm working on. I'm hoping to be able to grow my self-confidence through this and become the kind of person who inspires others to take chances and enjoy the experience.

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Glad to end this on a high note after one hectic month. TTYL 🤍